Gay Pimpin' With Jonny McGovern

There is nothing gayer. and nothing more amazing than the gay gay gay podcast, Gay Pimpin' With Jonny McGovern (and friends). Many years ago, a Mr. Keith White showed me the videos for "Soccer Practice" and "Lookin Cute, Feelin Cute" by some guy called the Gay Pimp. Needless to say, I was intrigued. Afterwards, I googled him and found a website promoting different theater projects. There must have been some sort of news update sign-up that I did, because about a year later I got an email saying he had started a podcast. I hadn't tried podcasts yet, but I was in college, the time for experimentation. I was not disappointed.

Gay Pimpin' is basically two hours of gay sex stories, gay clubbin' anecdotes, celebrity news with a gay twist, and many fish out of water tales (like when the gay pimp crew went to Six Flags). In other words, heaven on earth for me. There's nothing better than sitting on the T next to some oldie reading Ann Coulter while your headphones are blasting a discussion about how to fuck a straight guy or the usage of enemas before sex.

But my love of this podcast is not just for the dirtiest dirtiness and hilarious gay shit they put on. I also have found a second soul-mate in Transgendered Superstar, Miss Linda James. Linda is constantly referencing things I thought only I referenced, such as deep deep allusions to Full House (she sang "the dad song" one episode).

They also have a true love for two things I adore: Golden Girls and Paris is Burning (there will be a post about the latter at some point soon). Basically, it's like listening to versions of myself talk for two hours who live much gayer and more action packed lives than I do. Check it out, seriously. You will not regret it, even you straighties out there!

I'll leave you with a song for the ladies, and a dirty/hott song.

Dumbledore

In honor of the half blood prince coming out (lolz) in theaters, I of course had to do a post on HP.

In a typical Kathy manner, I always assumed the majority of the characters in Harry Potter were gay. Hermione, because she's hott. Ron fo sho in a Samwise way. Mcgonagall is obv a dyke. Draco with his girly blonde locks. James and Sirius...psh... Wormtail and his blind devotion... bunch of fags and dykes all up in this British piece.

Then JK Rowling outed Dumbledore at a reading, and I was SO MAD at myself. How did I not notice the signs?!?! The seventh book was full of love letters between him and Grindelwald. I mean what else could possibly steer someone like Dumbledore in the wrong direction OTHER than infatuation and love? What kinda slashy gay am I to not pick up on these not so subtle book 7 hints?

Anyway, of course after the outing the anger began. I'm sure there were anti-hp people who were even MORE upset about the books being the antichrist, but mostly I saw real big harry potter fans getting angry. and what was the reason? this ruins Dumbledore and Harry's relationship! seriously. you really think Dumbledore was pining away for Harry, checking out how his wand looked tucked away in those robes? the reason why he was afraid to look him in the eye in book 5 was obviously not because of Voldemort, but because he might no longer be able to control himself. oh Harry, let me reach across my desk and grab that messy emo hair of yours. let our glasses hit each others as we kiss passionately. seriously? at this point we're still assuming gay men automatically wanna do it with young boys? were these people also waiting for Trelawney to seduce Seamus? and for Nearly Headless Nick to ensnare Luna Lovegood? you know why they call him nearly headless... but I digress. this has become more of a rant than a rave.

point is, I am soooo glad JK revealed dumbledore was gay. I don't care that she didn't explicitly write it in the books. and I don't care about her motivations for why she decided to answer the girl's question in that way. all I care is FUCK YEAH FAGGOTS IN HARRY POTTER.

That Scene From Mona Lisa Smile

If you've seen the movie, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  Quite possibly the gayest scene ever to be shown on the silver screen.  The movie itself is pretty god-awful from what I can remember, but it was completely worth the money I spent to see it in the theatre JUST to see this scene.  You always know Maggie Gyllenhaal is gonna bring the gay.

The scene is at 4:40 of this clip.

Faith & Buffy

"Isn't it crazy how slayin' just always makes you hungry and horny?"

Oh yes it is, Faith.  Oh yes it is.

The object of much of my adolescent fantasies, these two slayers oozed sexual tension out of the small screen, and poured on plenty of double entendres and gaygaygay symbolism to make me beg for more.  Sure, I was a freshman in high school barely aware of my own sexuality when Faith came onto Buffy (lol), but I totally knew they were gay and I also totally knew that I loved it.  

Played by the hottest thing to ever come out of Watertown, MA, Eliza Dushku has said that she immediately noticed the sexual connection between her character and Buffy, and she played it up.  Glad to know I wasn't reading into it all those years ago.  

Of course, being a "slayer" was always a symbol on Buffy for being different in real life.  And since, especially for teens, one of the most obvious ways of being different is to be gay, Joss throws in quite a few subtle and not so subtle connections between slayerdom and gaydom.  After Buffy's mom accepts her being a slayer, she talks about marching in a slayer pride parade.  When she first finds out about Buffy being the slayer, her mom worries it was b/c she didn't have a strong father figure, and asks Buffy if she "tried not being a slayer," all things said by upset parents to their coming out gay teens.  So when we have two slayers, it's not surprising that all this gayness can be implied.

But back to the hottness.  From the moment Faith comes into the series, the fight scenes with her and Buffy (whether fighting together or against each other) are full of grunts, moans, pole-ish things sticking into holes, and lots of spoken sexual innuendo.  One of my faves being from the two-parter where they switch bodies (don't get me started on Faith enjoying being inside of Buffy) in season four, where Buffy reminds Faith that the last time they fought, Faith ended up in a coma, and Faith says "let's have another go at it... see who lands on top..."  WHAT.  Be still my sophomore year heart.

It's also the way that Faith says all these lines so seductively.  And the looks.  Ooooohhh, the looks she gives to Buffy.  The sly, tongue-peaking-out-one-eyebrow-up come hither stare.  And, of course, how for one episode Buffy gave into it (mmmm, Bad Girls).  In this episode, my fantasy, complete with hott fight scenes, sexy girl on girl dancing and even Faith drawing a heart on a window to get Buffy's attention while she's in class (granted, she then drew a stake through that heart... but it was obvious what it was implying, right?  right?!?!)  was able to come true for about 30 minutes .

But probably my fave Buffy/Faith moment was from season three, when Faith had Buffy chained up (!!!!) and was getting ready to torture her (what the picture is from).  And then the fab ending, where Buffy and Faith have knives at each others throats, and Faith kisses Buffy's forehead before booking it.  

Whew.

Now tell me that is not hott, you damned straighties.

Movie Musicals

Being raised by a woman who absolutely loved musicals allowed me to watch all sorts of gayish things at a young age under the pretense of culture.  I mean, come on, Danny Kaye?  I certainly never bought him as a straight playa in White Christmas.  I ask you, although it is not a musical, is there really anything gayer than Danny Kaye dressed as a court jester?  Well, probably Judy Garland.  

Whether it was her amazing mannish singing voice, her symbolically gay journey in the Wizard of Oz, or just the fact that she was so fucking fabulous, Judy was a huge part of being gay pre-stonewall.  But for me, as a kid, my love affair with Judy was all about Meet Me in St Louis.  With her high starched collar and her high topped shoes, she made me laugh, cry and YES even fall in love (more with the idea of love than with any particular character), just with her songs.  I still can't listen to her have yourself a merry little christmas without crying, or the mother f@#^ing trolley song without singing along at the top of my lungs (Jill can unfortunately attest to this multiple times).

I also love how hysterical some of the older musicals are.  This scene from Singin' in the Rain has me dying every time I hear it.  And there's something about throwing songs and dances into movies that allows them to be silly without seeming cheesy.  Take my favorite song from Singin' in the Rain, good morning (I assume about a threesome-man-sandwich).  Where else can you dance with your own wet coats without looking like a bunch of idiots?  One of the better examples of a whole movie that would seem ridiculous were it not for the singing and dancing is Bye Bye Birdie.  I personally have  a special place in my heart for the 90s tv version as opposed to the 60s version, maybe because I find it to be so very campy.

All these reasons and more are why I feel sick to my stomach when people don't want to go see newer musicals because "oh my god, a musical?!?!?!  no way!"  At Blockbuster we had tons of people demanding a refund after seeing Sweeney Todd because they "didn't know it was gonna be a fuckin' musical"  It kind of feels to me like saying, "I don't wanna see that movie, it's fucking GAY."  Yes, it might be a different way of telling a story than what you're used to... but once you start watching it, you'll see that it has the same morals and comedy, drama and terror that "normal" movies have.  Just with a little more panache. Herein might be why I love musicals so much.  I always disagreed with the idea that "gay can't be a choice, because who would choose that?"  Guess what, if it were a choice, I would effing choose it.  More panache.

And after all, musicals are not just gay because of the stereotype of gay men in musical theater.  They are gay because they are more often than not about a person or group of people who must defy the odds, and deal with shitty circumstances, all while singing along and putting on a happy face.  They are about doomed and deviant love.  They are uplifting to people who are different.  And, as a kid, they taught me that even if I'm facing 7 children and a captain.....I should always have confidence in myself.  

Queer as Folk (Ass-sex)/ Is that a circle jerk?

Is it Brian's sweater-vests?  Ted's utterly depressing life?  Justin's pretty hair?  Sam the Eagle come to life in Ben Bruckner?  Whatever it is, there's no show/movie/book/magazine that makes me happier to be gay than this show.  I don't care if it's cliched or full of stereotypes.  That what I love about it, that it is unapologetic in its portrayal of this particular group of gay people.

Queer as Folk is totally content as a show to just make you HAPPY about gay things.  Like marriages and overcoming bashings and marching in the pride parade with your mother.  Or about deciding it's okay to be gay, and then dancing your ass off. *****Note-that clip is not safe for work, with butts and cursing and such***** And then all over again.

Also, it is totally and completely hott.  But mostly, this show is all about pride for me.  And as Brian seduces each trick while at a grocery store/advertising meeting/stoplight/bedside of his comatose friend, I only become more and more turned on proud.  You f^&* him, Brian.  you f^&* the s^&* out of him.  *single tear*  Oh, and I pretend that the lesbians don't exist...